Thoughts and Downloads

The 20 Books I read in 2018

 In 2017 I read one book a month which ignited my new passion and habit of reading! I wanted to double that number in 2018 and although I didn’t exactly double it, I am still proud I went from a couple books a year to 12 to 20. My new goal for 2019 is 33 (since I will be finishing my 33rd trip around the sun)

Here are the books I read in to 2018 and there are

so many




1. The Hitchers Guide To The Galaxy 

By Douglas Adams


This book has twisted and turns as your fly through space on the most creative mind-bending journey. The British humor will surely keep you laughing at loud as you read. I really enjoyed started off my year with a comedy to remind myself life is fun and not to get too serious as we all get heady into new years resolutions. 



2. Sum

by David Eagleman


David Eagleman has been my mental muse since last year! His books are more than brain food, they are a five-star meal. Sum is highly creativity tales of the afterlife, which make you question and think about the life we live. My boyfriend and I decided to make this book an interactive creative project and after each short tale, we sketched whatever came to mind. This expanded my creativity and was so inspiring! THIS BOOK IS BRAIN ECSTASY!



3.  Ask and It Is Given

by Esther and Jerry Hicks


This book was passed to me at the perfect time. I was feeling pretty shit about life, struggling with money and my own happiness. I started reading this book every morning and it uplifted my spirits. It got me out of bad thinking habits and before you know it. I had attached the money I was looking for. It has great exercises to change your mood and to actually learn how to manifest your desires. THIS BOOK REALLY HELPED ME!



4. Outliers 

by Malcolm Gladwell


What makes successful people successful? Malcolm finds patterns in who different people have become successful from hockey players, to airplane pilots. Looking at birthday's, and cultural norms. As much as it is a best seller, it wasn't one of my favorites.



5. Zen In the Art of Writing 

by Ray Bradbury


Ray has created beautiful essays to get lost in a writers mind. You see how authentic and real writing can be and how you can find it in yourself. He teaches you the 'zen' in not just writing, but I found the zen letting go. He takes you on a poetic journey to understand how to use your life as a story to write stories. WORK. RELAXATION. DON'T THINK


6. The Voice Of Knowledge

by Don Miguel Ruiz


THIS BOOK IS MAGIC AND CHANGED ME! Again like magic this book came to me at the perfect time! I had breakdown when reading this book about the judgment and lies I was telling myself and learned to let it all go! This book really uncovered something in me that shifted my reality. I feel so free after this book! I found Inner Peace.



7. The Pilgrimage

by Paulo Coelho


Such an amazing book that that you on a universal quest of life. Paulo who also wrote The Alchemist has a beautiful way of twisting our thoughts of what the truth of life's journey is about. I enjoy traveling on this pilgrimage with a plethora of life's lessons.




8. Growth Hacker Marketing

By Ryan Holiday


Ryan is one of my favorite bloggers on In this book he teaches you how to hack through and grow your business through what almost seems to be the new princples of marketing. This quick read get's you in your head to realize you don't have to spend tons of money on marketing. He gives you the ticks of the trade to grow your serves. 



9. flow

by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi



Mihaly has such a way with words. This books pushes your brain deeply into the uncovering of flow. It’s long and dense, but I enjoyed the discovery of flow while reading it.



1o. ready Player One


by Ernest Cline



The New Aged Matrix! I am not a VR fan, but this novel takes you on such a wild version of a possible VR future. It keeps you guessing as you feel you are playing a video game in your mind. Loved the beautiful tale of love and girl vs. evil. Couldn't put it down. 


11. The Third Door


by Alex Bayana



One of the most inspiring books I have ever read! Alex's young heart and fearless determination will motivate the shit out of you. If you need inspiration about achieving your wildest dream Alex will serve you a dose of magic.



12. the untherhed soul

by Michael A. Singer



This book is a life bible! Everyone should read it. Takes you deep into uncovering your mind and heart connection. I had to stop myself from highlighting every sentence! He breaks down what I call mind heart hacking. He reminds you take you can live in the most world if you allow your self to create it. 



13. Shoe Dog

by Phil Knight 



Phil's memoirs of he's relentless journey to bring great shoes to athelets is so inspiring. He's up and down in the beginning creation of NIKE will remind you to never give up. A great book to see what it’s like to start from the bottom and reach for the top!



14. Be Here now

by Ram Dass 



Another one of my life bibles! Although I read this book cover to cover, I love to flip open to any page and read these divine messages of remember to BE HERE NOW in life. The book pages are of brown paper with the words and illustrations as art on each page. It's a beautiful journey to understanding yourself and living life in the present as told by a modern monk. Every page is a gold!


15. Methods of Persuasion

by Nick Kolenda 



This is a great quick read to learn about being clear with your communication. Getting what you want with knowing how to say it. It’s great for people in sales as well as learning to use psychology to better execute your world around you.


16. creativity

by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi



Oh Mihaly! He is referenced in so many books, and after reading his other book flow in the beginning of the year and loving it I had to read creativity. Although I thought he looked at creativity mostly through a scientific point of view he didn’t touch much of artist creativity. His research and discovery is still so fascinating.


17. Creative Quest

by Quest Love



Quest Love is my childhood love. Performing and dancing to his music as a kid shared so much of who I am. He writes like a true artist, and his methods of creativity and mind hacking are so much fun to read. He is brilliant and has transformed himself as an artist through time which is even more inspiring years later, he is still one of my tops loves of life.


18. Mindful Athlete

by George Mumford



This is a quick and easy read to learn mindfulness and apply it to an athlete state of mind. Mindfulness and and staying in “flow” are tricks of athletes. This book teaches us how to get to states of mind to achieve just got playing your best or winning, but the real secrets to performing through life itself.


19. Sum It up

by Pat Head Summitt 


Adding to my knowledge of the sports world this year, Pat Summit caught my eye as a wild women force to learn about. Her never ending dedication to basketball and winning takes her on a journey that shows us the meaning of will power, but Pat’s will power isn’t always the best medicine. We feel like we are right there on the side lines coaching with her in a fiery heat. Pat is mean and hard, as that generation of coaching shows us were women wanted to stand in a male dominated sport. To WIN.


20. Sapiens

by Yuval Noah Harari



Wow! One of my favorites this year, as Yuval’s takes us on a a history lesson of humankind from our very first existence to present day. This book ignited my ancestor blood. He gives you such a psychological understanding of who we been and who we are as a species.

From this list above here are my

TOP BOOKS of 2018

  • Sum - David Eagleman ( To give your brain creative fantasy )

  • The Voice of Knowledge - Don Miguel Ruiz ( For Spiritual Enlightenment )

  • The Pilgrimage - Paulo Coelho ( For Spiritual Enlightenment )

  • The Third Door - Alex Banayan ( To learn to take control of your life)

  • The Unthreaded Soul - Michael A. Singer ( To learn about LOVE ) *A MUST

  • Be Here Now - Rum Dass ( For Spiritual Enlightenment )

  • Sapiens - Yuval Noah Harari ( To learn who WE ARE )

2018 spiritual ode


I started just as symbolically as this photo taken of me in January- flat on my face with women’s wounds. As I choose to heal myself and face them I was presented with a journey ahead that I would never expect. I stood up dusted myself and I slowly disconnected from my old self. I shed my skin. I broke through my cocoon. I allowed myself to deeply breath as my world shifted around me. I not only saw my future I began to feel it. My heart and my blind faith tapped into magic as I let it guide me. I call it women’s intuition. I found my true self and as I healed I grew upward and onward towards the light.

There will be no stopping passion in one who follows their true heart.


Hypnotized in a desert sunset I was rebirth for my 33rd trip around the sun in a kaleidoscope of color. It awoke a self guru in me. The healer, the wild women. I knew what I needed to do and it burned in my soul as I walked across the desert sand with love that stood behind me.

Encouraging me.

There I was on the bottom as the light hit my eye and I began to look up and see the top of my mountain, a world my heart only imaged. As I approached what seems to be an infinite beast, stairs presented itself. But not all the steps, for when I took one, the next one appeared. Wildflowers bloom along side the mountain twisting and growing toward the steps creating the peace I needed to know that this was the right path. The climb will be long but it’s my journey to take. I’ve seen the other side and there’s no going back. I’ve seen the view from the high rises. This isn’t for power as they call it, it is for humanity. For that will keep me climbing the stairs. I learned to keep faith in 2018 for the adventure just begins. I’m making peace with letting go of all the past creations and stories I told myself.

2019 I will step upon evolution mountain not just for me but for you, and especially for all the women out there who are ready to change this world.

There I lay


I knew it was time to heal

Because I could see the earth

The Life-Death-Life cycle is here

it’s a journey of the unexpected

You shed your skin

You break through your cocoon

You see your future with new eyes

and feel your future through oneness

Yet there is a mountain to climb

An infinite beast

Let the light guide your next step

It’s a step not only for me

But for humanity

For this is evolution mountain

A journey home

-Kelley Koski


Venice Beach sunset- photo taken by me

Venice Beach sunset- photo taken by me

Have you ever held your faith for so many years, through so many moments, had your faith tested over and over till one day you want to shut down, collapse into the nothingness.

Than you see your still breathing, still alive.


You realized that you are stronger than your emotions and thoughts and decided to move forward, because time moves forward and you can’t help but keep going because that's all the NOW is.


You see small signs, than bigger signs as you continue to keep the faith in your life.

You hold it so hard, that fears and anxiety start to slip away and the beauty of the present moment takes over.


Life seems a little more magical and you realized miracles are possible and they come with time, with moving forward.


You see everything is a cycle, there is no good or bad. Only present moments.


And now you lost in the continuous faith.


Faith that created hope.


Faith that created the kindness in your heart.


Faith that made every moment bliss.


Was faith a hidden door to ecstasy?


To the secret of life?


Faith moves mountains if you let it.


Faith brings you your wildest dreams and more.


You must living every day with faith in order to live











How I found Self-Love Through Instagram On A Rainy Day In LA


Opening my eyes to see only grey, light rain tap danced against my window. I took a deep breath and relaxed into my pillow. When living in sunny Los Angeles there is a little excitement when the rain gods decide to babysit us as the sun takes its 12th power nap of the year. It’s rare, it mystical, it’s a change that we all need. There’s something that allows us to switch up our routine, relax a little more and and apparently let go of judgment.

Fuck ya, it’s pancakes in bed time!

Racing my cat to the kitchen, she usually wins, but not today bitch. I whip up my favorite ‘4 ingredient paleo pancakes’ and I decide to get creative and add matcha powder. Who doesn’t want to eat a beautiful light sage green pancake with chocolate chips. Wait did I just add chocolate? Matcha is sooooo in. I feel like a cartoon, dancing and drooling in my Bart Simpson sweatshirt as I prance into my room. I cozy up in my bed with a bamboo tray of my homemade pancakes, tea and a my current book. Yes! The rainy morning I have been waiting for, it’s time to ‘Treat Yourself’.

Than on page 179. I saw the signs. The words shaked me in the side, like a ghetto drive by. I mean I do live in Venice. The tears started coming, and the rain gods dance louder on my window. Damn universally magic!

The black shapes on the paper made my heart implode.

“Love is so simple, so easy and wonderful, but love begins with you. Every relationship improves when you love yourself and live with awareness of your love.

Fuuuuckkkk. The tears rolled down.

It hit me.

I don’t love myself fully!?

I mean, I made myself pancakes in bed, but there is more, so much more. I’m scared, I haven’t been fully me. I am ME all day everyday, but I saw my judgements about myself.

The rain gods whispered.





The words stab my side a little deeper as my eyes saw oceans…

The only thing left for all of us to do is to create a beautiful story and enjoy a better life. How do you create a beautiful story? By being authentic, it is easy to write your story with integrity, with common sense, with love.

LOVE. Ugh, self love.

Do I have a fear of loving myself and letting others see it? See me?

It was so hidden, so suppressed. I mean, I am a loud, goofy entertainer. I live for attention, but hidden by shiny costumes, and characters.

The rain gods are now in my room standing over my bed, as if the babysitter thought I was going to sneak out.

You need to make instagram stories with you talking…

Being you.

More of them…

No no no no, I don’t want too. My judgments kicked in. “People who do IG stories can be annoying”, “There all fake”, “People who talk to their phone have egos.” ,“No one will watch them”, “I hate the way I look when I talk anyways.” “People will see my acne scars”….

All the judgement and lies fell out of my wet eyes.

More words poked my soul.

Your story is your reality- a virtual reality that is only true for you, the one who creates it.”…

”Your world is your creation, and it’s a masterpiece of art.”

Every human is a storyteller, which means that every human is an artist. Humans make up stories about everything we perceive, and just like Picasso we distort the truth; but for us, it is the truth.”…”All humans create their story with their own unique point of view, Why try to impose your story on other people when for them your story is not true? When you understand that, you no longer have the need to defend what you believe. It’s not important to be right or to make others wrong. Instead, you see everybody as an artist, a storyteller.

Duuuuhhhhhh it’s called Instagram story. We are just storytellers of our lives.

I wanted to use Instagram to share positive messages, to share my thoughts about life, to share my love for all the weird things I enjoyed Yes, aliens and kicking orange cones.

Guess what? NO ONE GIVES A FUCK except the lies I was telling myself in my head. I could feel myself being free, who am I transforming too? Talking on IG would push me to break down my wall. I would learn to be vulnerable, I would learn to not give a fuck, I would learn I loved my life, and love my thoughts about life.

It hit me…


There is only one way to change our story, and that is by changing what we believe about ourselves.

A new me was born on that rainy morning.

So what was this wonderful book that led me to this epiphany? The man who reminds us the simple truth of love, Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Voice Of Knowledge”. A serious guide to inner peace, who teaches you to stop the lies and judgement in your head and reminds us that we are Beings of love who create art.

When you come from a place of love, you only see love in all that is around you.

Thank you rain gods and Miquel for this beautiful breakthrough within.

I am on a new journey and hope to share my message of LOVE … and it might get weird.

I am a Succulent Hunter

Me out on a hunt

Me out on a hunt

This may seem strange, but it’s about time I confess something weird. I’m not the only one who does this, because I learned from someone else who does this. So that makes it ok.

OK here it goes, so…

I ‘hunt’ for succulents.

I guess in other terms some might say I steal, but woah that’s pushing it. Let me explain….

I am not going into people’s glorious million dollar desert-esk front yards and swooping them, and that was just once when I was really high, and it was dark out. That aloe plant TOLD me it wanted to come home with me! Also in my defense it was a full moon and I like to secretly act like a ninja.

Anyways I am just taking them from the sidewalk. You know the grassy parts dogs pee on, well sometimes there are nice plants there. Plus am only taking about two hand-fulls at max. For the record I have skinny white girl hands. On average this happens only every other month or longer… i think? Hunting season is all the seasons.

Plus the sidewalk is fair game.

And I am obviously taking only the small ones where there are hundreds of them growing. Taking one or two of them now and then is nothing in terms of the aesthetics of that sidewalk.

Confession number two:

I adore them so much! I love rearranging them in my house in there cute planters with the little white rocks and green moss you buy at Michael’s Crafts. I just appreciate them so much, with all there indescribable colors. I mean ‘succulent green’ is a color according to Cirque Colors nail polish.

It’s almost like a “rags to riches” story I image for the plants. They were on the streets of Venice… and West LA (I got my certain spots) getting peed on by dogs. Now they are adorned in my jungle palace.

No going to lie, there are times I go out on a hunt and bring a small empty bag to just taken my ‘two hand max”. Just cause I anti walking down the street cupping dirt and plants in my hands. Thats looks weird?

Whatever, I feel like I have also saved money.

I don’t support commercial plant farming. I support the plants of the streets.

I give them good love and a place to grow in a safe environment.

Hunters gotta hunt

The Books I Read in 2017


I fell in love with reading this year, more so than other years. Why? I think my brain craved a hunger and thirst that books provide more than my mindless staring at Instagram pictures. Once I picked up this healthy habit in April of 2017, my mind couldn’t stop my obsession of knowledge being feed to it from real cover to cover books. My list of books grew as I reached the magical number of 11 by the end of the year. Reading this year has changed my forever and I plan to read two/three books a month in 2018. 


1.The Miracle Morning

By Hal Elrod


My new years resolution was to start my mornings off right and get in a healthy routine for my mind right away each day. This is the only book I didn't read but listened to on audiobooks. This book has changed my behaviors and the way I started my morning routine. This book is perfect for those needing structure and change in their healthy habits. This book makes me love awaking up everyday, and after a year, I still do my morning routines that this book has taught me!


2. Stealing Fire


By Steven Kotler & Jamie Wheal


This book set off my addiction to reading. It came to me at the exact moment I was experiencing everything happening in the book in my real life. The book explains how our brain functions when we are in “ecstasis” moments in our lives known as “flow states” aka STER. Self-lessness Timelessness, Effortlessness and Richness. As I was reading it I had this crazy feeling I was going to Burning Man in 4 months which I had never been too. I ended up going and thank that book for opening me up to even more magic in my life.

3. The Rise of Superman

By Steven Kotler


Continuing my addiction to “flow states”. This book talks more in depth about extreme athletes and how they perform in ecstatic moments and how athletes might have secret brain functions.


4. Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think

 by Steven Kotler and Peter Diamandis


This book is wonderful! It gives you so much hope for our future. It’s all the good news, inventions and ideas that exist in the world that the media doesn’t share with you. This was a perfect book to get your head out of this negative world. Breaks down our system and how we can change for the better as a world. Very inspiring and hopeful! 


5. Zero To One

by Peter Thiel


Peter Thiel is the CEO of Paypal. This little book is his simple way of creating a successful business. I loved his argument that you should have such a novel idea that you have no enemy or rival when starting a business. 


6. The Journeys of Socrates

by Dan Millman


Dan Millman is one of my favorite non-fiction writers! This book will play like a movie in your mind of such a powerful love story as well as as a warrior of revenge in non-violence. 


7.Incognito The Secret Lives of the Brain

by David Eagleman

My brain was ADDICTED to this book! If you want to understand yourself and how our brain works this is the bible for understanding our brain functions and why we act and operate the way we do. One of my favorite books this year! You can feel yourself getting smarter and  coming to understand yourself on such a deep level.


8. The Brain The Story of You

by David Eagleman


Dives deeper into our brain functions and is a good refresher of information from Incognito. So good your brain hurts in a mind expanding way!


9. The War of Art

by Steven Pressfield


My good friend passed this short book along to me to help break through bad habits we tell ourselves. This book is a great will-power boot and a good look into finding your creative flow. It knock self doubt right out of mind!


10. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

by Dan Millman


Based on Dan’s real life experiences, as a college kid he befriends an old man who works at gas station who teaches him “the way of the peaceful warrior”. A beautiful story of a student and master learning about life itself. The book has endless quotes about life we all need to hear. There is so much magic in this book and is one of my FAVORITES this year!


11. Runaway species

by Anthony Brandt & David Eagleman


To me this is a beautiful history book connecting our past and how we as humans evolve and create through creativity. It is about the creative mind and how of brain functions. Loved every minute of it!