I felt like I came out of a time portal or other dimension. I was so mad at myself.
“How have I never been over here?”
“It’s so close!”
It felt like I was getting a glimpse of what my future might look like. A mix of all the things I liked, all the possibilities. It was so peaceful, so soft, and so warm.
“Really? Eight years and I haven’t been over here?”
Three days ago I woke up craving a smoothie from the expensive juice shop three blocks away from my house in Venice Beach. My inner voice yelled,
“Treat Yourself Girl!”
So I marched on down trying to not think about how I was spending $12 dollars on blended strawberries. I got my drink, took the first sip of what tasted like a shot of heaven as ran through my body. It’s a rare thing for a $12 dollar smoothies to feel worth those $12 dollars.
I decide to walk around the neighborhood and enjoy the drink instead of heading home. I have been adding in ‘go on a walk’ into my morning routine now that it’s spring time. Finally! I hate being cold.
I felt like doing something differently that morning, so I decided to walk in the neighborhood behind the smootie joint, which I have never explored before.
As I walked step by step my world was transformed. The neighborhood felt calm, trees stacked together lining the sidewalk, the birds sang louder and the homes became story book characters. Where was I?
Every home seem to fit my every expanding personalities.
I loved the white house on the corner with the huge tree, cascading ivy plants and flowers blooming in every color in the front yard. It’s exactly where gardener Kelley would live.
The home across the street was large and modern and grey, huge windows with an abstract body shape. Entrepreneur Kelley lives there.
There was cute old beach cottages with unique personalities of their own. They had corty gates and colored doors. Artist Kelley lives there.
The mix of homes from huge and modern to classy and simple had every personality of me satisfied
The next day I went for a morning walk on “the other side” again. Admiring more homes each with their unmistakable character, wondering a few more blocks in and around. Every time I return to the main street the energy was gone. I missed the charismatic aesthetic as I walked back to my house.
My side of the neighborhood used to be the ghetto, and with rent control in our area, the ghetto still lives. A flock of beautiful modern homes has been trickling in over the years. The rich were moving in. My neighborhood was getting gentrified.
I lived in a rundown 70’s yellow box apartment building. A warning sign in nailed on my building that read “Chemicals known to cause cancer reside in this building”. Four years a ago, a ten year old little boy got shock in my ally by my car. Reports said it was gang related. There are countless of nights that helicopters circle at 3am blocks from my house. I have lived in this boho beach bungalow for eight years with no plans to move knowing I pay next to nothing and I live five blocks from one of the most famous beaches. I mean, I am a struggling 32 year old woman who lives in Los Angeles.
Addicted to explore, the other night, I went for sunset bike through “the other side”. Sailing through the neighborhood, taking in home by home. The light hit every house perfect adding a touch of magic to the look.
It hit me.
My life was about to change.
Not just in a little way, but in a massive shift.
It was coming.
I am about to break free from the shackles of my mind.
It was the ending of a cycle of my life.
I could feel it all flood into me.
My future of a beautiful life was right there. I just needed to cross the street to feel it.
Passing each home was like a slideshow of my future.
I felt it inside.
I had been struggling mentally as I take on my new career as a entrepreneur. I was broke from being into between careers, a “used to be” and a “no body”. How do I do this? What’s my next step? How can I push forward? How can I have faith? I was a mess.
I had sunk in a hole for two weeks of anxiety and fear, but a little string always tugged on my heart to believe everything will work out.
But there I was on “the other side”. I had made it! I had discovered my new life! An ease came to me when I passed the tall trees. I was walking not just in a nice neighborhood, but I was walking into MY NEW LIFE. The neighborhood turned into a manifestation of my dreams. I could feel that something inside of me was changing even though my life was the same. I was still living in the ghetto yellow building, I was still broke, but I wasn’t the same.
As a walked I had a sense that everything is going to turn out great, better than imaged. Who knows what will happen? That didn’t matter, what matter was I had felt hope, faith and believed that there was more.
I now take walk on “the other side” everyday to fill myself up with an easy of the future.
They say everything you want in on the other side of fear.
And sometimes fear can be a road you must pass.
Because all you need is
Hope that’s it’s all going