“You don’t need money to be rich, open up your doors, heart and mind Invest in people, friendships and relationships and watch how much you gain back.” -Latifa M.K
We all experience ‘friendships’. Some of us have an abundance of friends and social circles and than there are a lot of us that feel alone. Some also never had close childhood friends from moving or growing part. And even now we seem to struggle with the lust for deep friendships as adults. What are we doing to perpetuate these friends? Am I putting out the energy of stable friends? Am I only hanging out in my bubble of friends, so no one new shows up? What would my friendships look like if I took 100% responsibility for every person that shows up in my life? We must treat them like we would want to be treated to create a good friendship.
Last month I helped plan a bachelorette for a girlfriend of mine. We have only known each other for a year and a half and I wouldn’t’t say we are the closest of friends, but we have shared many moments together, been there for each other in need. After the amazing bachelorette evening of dinner, dancing men and an unforgettable girls night, I was amazed how good I felt to be someones friend and a good friend to someone in such a memorable moment in their life. It feels good to know someone trusted me and appreciated my friendship.
The month before I was invited to a childhood girlfriend’s of mine wedding. We haven’t really talked and occasionally see each other once a year during the holidays for the last 13 years. Another girlfriend of mine was hesitant to go, because of the years of distance. I told her I wanted to be a good friend, and support the friendship old or fresh and nurture fond childhood memories that created who I am today along with her new life. Plus my other girlfriend and I would get to spend quality time together! Of course we can’t be everyone’s friend or best friend, but when given the chance to show up and mean something to someone, it is one of the greatest feelings.
Of course there are times in our lives that even our friendships get put aside for our own life trials. I have missed one of my best friends birthdays for the last three years because of work and another childhood girlfriends wedding due to finical struggles and not being in a good mental place in my life. It’s not always going to be perfect. Here are qualities that make a good friend.
They are genuinely happy for you when things are going great in your life. This seems like an obvious statement, but for all of us, we have had certain friends that come in our lives, that do seem happy for you, but you see or feel an underlining of jealousy, passive remarks or a ‘one-up’ comment. A true friend will get excited for you and feel like a team player. They will support you and trust you.
They are there for you when you really need them. A true friend will create time and hold space for you when you need support. Everyone seems to have such a ‘busy’ life these days. I knew a girlfriend of mine was at work and told her I needed to talk to her for support, afraid to bother her, but she instantly took a break to call me.
They connect with you. A basis of friendship is the connection. Weather it been common interest in food, sports, lifestyle, passions or outlook on life there is something to connect and enjoy time together.
There’s a balance. A friendship should feel equal. I had a girlfriend call me whenever she was sad or going through another fight with her boyfriend. I would always be there, make the time to see her, but when I needed her or try to make plans she would not be around or she would flake on me. I felt I was giving too much and it made me resent her. I had to step back and not get too attached. It should feel like they equally want to be around you and vise versa.
If you are seeking good friends, then get out there and be someones friends. Step up and be of service. You never know what will happen!